I had a really different ending in mind for today. In the last post I mentioned that I’d screenshot a bunch of the most outrageously bigoted statements from facebook. And the plan was to post all of them today with the ops names VISIBLE. I figure if they’re bold enough to say it, then they ought to be ready to have the whole world see it, right?
Well right it may be, but if y’all really want to read any of that mess, it’s easy enough to find. And my posting it isn’t going to help any of us or help birthing families have safer, more satisfying experiences & outcomes.
What I did get clear about is that not only does this group of birthworkers not understand their privilege, they also don’t understand the difference between sexuality & gender. They actually think the reason the rest of us found the venue problematic was that we couldn’t have non-heterosexual sex on the premises!!! Seriously y’all, I can’t make this stuff up. Here’s one from the deep dark night: you’re coming here to learn, not to get high & hook up
What is also clear, is that Jan & the MT org need to distance themselves from these people, many of whom have been their friends & colleagues for years. To sit silently, and let these commentaries go unanswered, is to be complicit in this weird, sneaky side-stepping dance of oppression and denial.
And speaking of sitting silently: It hasn’t escaped notice that there’s a huge swath of silence from my own cohort. Aside from some Midwives of color, we haven’t heard anything from the bay area California crew of white birthworkers who’ve been practicing 20-30 years, many of whom identify as lesbian or bi.
Recognizing that a lot of the LGB aren’t embracing the TQI2
I’ve really struggled with how to end this. I’m sad, I’m mad, I’m disappointed that we are still having to have these basic conversations in the 21st century. I want so badly for those elders who’ve worked so hard, to move forward with us as we co-create a promised land, where every birthing person has access to a midwife and doula they can trust. I want so badly for them to understand that in trying to prevent the “erasure of women” they are endangering all of us. I want so badly for them to realize that acceptance & respect aren’t like pie: giving more doesn’t mean that anybody gets less.
Sitz Herbs in the Doula's Birth Bag;
One Midwife's Perspective